If the child of a single mother dies: Logooli custom
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With the relatives involved, discussions will ensue to see off the little respectfully. Logooli traditions require that the child be buried in fatherland as that is the bonafied home of all children under the sun.
Defining a single mother and her child
In Logooli setting, a single mother is either kidwaadi (a marriageable woman but has a child without being married – likely still under the care of her parents) or mukali aaimenynya (a woman who lives by her own – perhaps due to own choice or other reasons. She could be having children or not).
The child of a single mother in Logooli is “mugeenda na nnya” to say “one who walks/goes with the mother. This is a different case from the child whom the mother leaves at fatherland (indasimba) as she goes away. In the former case the mother (and maternal relatives) has an upper hand over the child hence the child of a single mother.
A child that a man gets out of wedlock is “muana ua ichoova” – outside child. The child, if ‘hidden’ (staying with the mother) informs this article. If the mother takes the child to fatherland whether she becomes a wife there or not, is safe for the child.
The child of a single mother can be one day old or 100 years old. Age does not limit. When it is a boy, caution is taken to safeguard the ‘bloodline’ as a girl propagates another clan’s lineage. By both there is no discrimination as they deserve burial respects.
The father deciding to bury the (his (child) of a single mother)
For the ‘now responsible’ father of the child to gain access to the body of the child for burial, there are a few considerations. First is if the child is indeed his. Why would a woman decide to keep a child away from you? Can’t you ask yourself? Who named the child? Has she ever brought the child here at home? Did your mother shave the first hair of the child as per custom? Was the son brought for circumcision? These are the questions the gathered relatives will ask the father of the dead child, in mourning together.
If the above questions are answered by ‘No’, some relatives will recoil to their seats in great abhorrence. That is not our child, they will say. It will not matter if the DNA connects 100%. DNA is not culture. For those who will still be heartbroken but think blood is thicker than water, they will go away thinking the girl needed a means of body disposal. Had the child grown healthier she would never give a thought of its paternity.
And if the answers are ‘Yes’, the father is asked if he had given some bride price to the mother’s family. If not, he should - for him to customarily get the body for burial. He has to pay mavihu to the mother of the single mother and secondly ahyoole (atone) to the father (clan) of the single mother for ‘going through what is not theirs’. Mavihu is an added payment during dowry negotiations to thank the mother for the good job of nursing in childhood. It is from the verb, ‘viha’ – to wipe clean, mainly the anus.
In the above, caution is taken that promises are not made. The single mother’s family can be promised many things and the child is “freely” taken by offering only a little. With no child and unsured others or marriage between their girl and the father family, nothing may ever come!
With the dead child given to go, something has to happen. One of the clan elders will speak to the body while receiving thus:
- “Kuakulaangwa kukuvugule – we have been called to take you
- “Niutavee uitu uloonde vakokuhi – if you are not ours you follow those who gave you to us
- “Niuvee uitu kugeende na mileembe – If you are ours let us go home in peace
At home now, the dead body is received at the house of the father or grandfather. It may have been a game of mere sex but it no longer is. The father learns that when you go naked on top of a woman in secret it will all come to light. You have no house of your own? You should have built before you undressed. It adds to the costs where the father has a temporary house built for him where he will mourn his little child (alongside a willing mother in kutema kilova). In the process he is told why the child grave was a little placed to the right – in leaving his own grave space as a man of the home.
The young parents will have nothing much to say to the little gathering mainly of family at burial ceremony. The process will be quick that by noon the burial is done. This is to give the young couples a cuddle moment. There will be no night vigil. The young couple has the village blessings – and peace. As per traditions wish. Relatives, especially parents of the girl are hereby warned not to interfere as some may drag their girl away after burial. They will have no face to come asking for bride price when the girl meets the boy again… or what if they do that and in the cries of the lovers they never meet another love?
Unfortunate for the single mother if the father of the dead child has a wife and unable to add another. She will leave with her relatives after burial.
In cases where the dead child was an adult and even with a family without a home, the burial happening at paternal home has a new house for the single mother. Where she will stay for a while and decide to stay at the family or not. Logooli has it that there where the grave is situated and around, is her land for production – her relationship with the father of the child notwithstanding. The progeny would soon own up the place whether in life or death.
The single mother (and her relatives) deciding to bury the child
The single mother may have long decided otherwise. She has a home already by herself or she does not want anything to do with the child’s father in burying of the child. She considers the man who sired by her as good as dead. And at the birth certificate of her child the father’s name reads XXXXX.
She may even opt for a cemetery. Or the factors surrounding the biological father and his homeland does kickback responsibilities to the mother – even unwilling child paternal relatives. That all is not expected of Logooli custom but unfortunately it happens. The father too may also be a product of another single mother come the paternal maternal grandmother of the dead child - traditionally unrelated.
Still the girl’s family may refuse advances from ‘able dead child father’s family’. These are in cases where the relationship was severed and the child is decided to be buried in motherland. In this case, as in the case of unable paternal family to own up, a few of the father’s relatives will attend the burial there at single mother’s maternal/burial place - and leave, without feeding, when the grave is half-filled. If the father of the child will accompany, he will be somewhere in the crowd, incognito. A brief speech of regret can be given by aunt of the child’s father or his sister (aunt of the child).
In Logooli culture when you decide to bury a child that is not paternally yours (maternally yours) you do it on the sides by the fences, not in the bare front field saved for rightful blood people. Care is also taken that the child is “buried well” so that it does not bring misfortunes to the mother or the father.
There are murmured queries even as the single mother decides to bury in her land. Who bought the land? Her or who? Logooli do not believe in a woman’s or a man’s independence but interdependence. Therefore they think that it was by another man that she has that land, which the father of the child will never dare set foot – in happiness or sadness. Conflicts on land ownership can arise even as the child is buried there for it would be giving rights to the paternal child’s family when in truth the single mother is ‘owned’ by dead child’s maternal family. For instance if the dead child was an adult and had a family and the child sooner dies, custom will claim he be buried where the father was buried.
Care and cautions during the burial
To ‘burry well’ means to say no curses and to position the dead child in normal death state. To say any harsh words at burial, to lay the child facing down in the casket or to keep clothes tight on the body are all calls for misfortunes – depending on which side is angry with the other. For instance, if the single mother damped the child during sickness and it died, with nowhere to be seen at burial or send apology message, the aunt of the child can only say two words, “uve ueng’ine” – you be the only, and she would not again have a child for life.
And there is a door for hope and future prosperity at death of a child. The father and the separated single mother can re-join again, that night of burial in kutema kilova (literal for cutting the grave soil, this is where the woman is available for an affair with the man) ritual. They will forgive each other their excesses and give birth to other children if they will. In extreme cases where swearings were made or age has caught up with them, they can live together (in same compound) without carnal affair.
Where the single mother and the child’s father were juveniles, relatives from both sides can establish a rapport that if they (now parents) wish, they can upgrade their union and be husband and wife. This is when they are adults now.
If the father recently died or missing in action in all this, it is subject to another article. But if the father is present and has no house, he can use the house of whom he calls his grandfather for a week of mourning. In cases where the grandfather’s house is not available, any of his elder fathers would act for the few days. This is in assumption that the father to the father of the dead child has a house which relatives of the dead child will be hosted in. Like the father runs to the house of the grandfather for safety, so does the dead child need to be at the grandfather’s safety. If there is no house, eyes on the clan.
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