COURTESY IS ONLY A MASK

Courtesy is a show of respect, love and personal dignity. It may also be mocking, insinuating and full of falsehood. Kifo Kisimani play is such a superb example in which the King, Mtemi is honestly told by his servant that he will rule for a hundred years in such a kingdom full of corruption, marginalization and betrayal. Though the servant was honest in his words, they came from by involuntary urge –fear. If you do not fear those who are superior to you, you are more likely to lose a number of things including belonging. To avoid, we have to be a little courteous- phony I mean.

Out of ten, eight kenyans are corrupt. Out of the remaining two, one is potential. If such is the case, one in ten people who employ courtesy in their words are not realistic. You may be welcomed for a sit in the office or home thinking they are happy for the visit but full of words in their minds. Human beings are the only creatures who can sing a lullaby for you to sleep and later steal. It may be your life.

It started in primary school. Innocently, I was sitting in a class that was loudly socializing. One saw the teacher and hissed. It was still a foreign language. I wondered why the jumping and running to one’s desk. I was too young for such thoughts. When the teacher identified this new comer who was roaming around in search of friends, I got the first punishment. What followed is a cat and mouse game that went past high school.

To be courteous varies. Some may find it hard to use words that they mean not and they would honestly tell you the truth. I find ‘please’ too begging, ‘Thank you’ too gratifying, ‘Can I’ too colonial, ‘May I’ too authoritative, ‘help me’ too demeaning and ‘sorry’ too insincere. Well, I may have used this words often and obviously without thinking about them for much of what we speak flows out without a second thought but I may not have meant it. I may just be saying to have my way.

The egoistic bosses who employ brainy quacks for employees expect this. They would want to add you a responsibility outside your area of operation, ask you to comply by the rules and demand your input. From your side it would be expected to be humble, agree without questioning and eat on your time to do it. They will in return thank themselves for being such efficient bosses, called by their titles and in full authority over their subjects.

A human heart can be as pretentious as a mask can't.      Source:earthafricacurio.com

It discourages how often I have to use courtesy to get help as if I was not entitled to it. You will be expected to greet everyone at someplace before moving on. To interact with a colleague who is moody one has to switch to rather heart softening thing starting with …How are you? Did you get the time for this and that? Or please…

Since I disputed  words as evidence of people’s hearts and mind, I switched to reading their faces and carriage. It speaks millions and goes where words are killed. If I neede less of interactions, I would justify this by advising people to refrain from being dishonest.

It obviously mean I am an ignorant do this and not that fellow who call people dander heads. Of course I fail not to cut sum with words in their throats. But look at it from my point of view. Not everything you want from me should be proceeded by May I thing. I know what you want of course and no greetings can soften me but only to see the pretense and harden self even more. It is all in the tone…Lung’afa, -I have a girlfriend who utters it how I would want it to be always- give such and such. If it is in my reach, how soon, how quickly, how reactive I will be. I do not need a reminder soon unless the person is convinced I’ve forgotten.

Courtesy is a failure as meekness may be thought of to any man. It is by being courteous that we live a lie. We would rather deal with situations and people openly as our hearts dictate or rather keep our interactions safe from what we never dared to. For a diary keeper, this is but an interesting point..’I greeted him grudgingly.’

If you are respected and too small to know this by which words your ear-drums convert, sorry. For you exist, collect all your respects and dignity to self. Expect no more.

It may also take such courtesy to melt a stony heart, I understand. That the soul that could milk you dead only needs a sorry not to. Instead it only needs a lie to sooth. Damn humanity.

The relationships I cherish among many are between the Kenyan Bus conductor and the passenger. He only shows off the hand and the money is given. He is reminded that he hasn’t cashed change by the look in the eyes. Talking is such an honourable thing that should be strictly purposeful and not watered down by Please Call Me Safaricom texts. Blessed are the deaf and the dumb for they are spared from empty moments.

Girlfriends and pals who complain about small issues like ignorance and rudeness among peers who do not treasure Thank You words end up suffering from heart break ulcers.  For every small act, one wants to be thanked. For every small favour, a plead should herald. It only becomes real when relationships no longer work. How good.

Life is not about how good you can be but how bad you can’t be.