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Heavy responsibilities for elder aunt among the Logooli

With Seenge Fonesi. She is the elder grand daughter of Isagi and elder daughter of Amugasya. She is often present in functions involving the family of Amugasya. Pic taken on 18/4/2024. The elder sister soon becomes the elder aunt. It is this “seenge munene” (elder aunt) tag that she is tied to many cultural responsibilities – back home. To her marital family she may appear as any other woman, but she is not so in the eyes of her people. Marriage does not steal her away as it would happen with other daughters of the old man. To her, as days go and the old man and woman of the estate are dependents, she becomes increasingly present.  Her brothers also need her for almost all traditional markings. They are marrying, she needs to welcome the new wife. They are giving birth, she needs to come to midwife or “bless” the new born. They are paying dowry she needs to lead the women delegate. There is a conflict she needs to come for a hearing.  And many others. Traditions does not expect her to
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You wrong, mother


Not all people are good. Not all mothers are good. Not all should we anyway love unconditionally. To respect your mother and father, as the only commandment with a promise may have been written by a parent who needed children’s attention. What does it anyway mean to respect your parent? Is respect not earned?

I am not in conflict with my mother but many a times have I encountered people who wanted their way through because they are ‘mothers’. They confuse motherhood with feminine nagging. It is true that boys grow to look down upon their mothers in retaliation to the controls their mothers impose. A mother who does not realize that his son has matured for independence will age sorrowfully unlike the one who lets it go.

Once a child grows, he is of the society. A home can provide two or three needs but the society will see to his fulfillment. A child, more so a boy who clings to a mother should sublimely be weaned through schooling, employment and worth tasks at home. The behavior of eating and sleeping as one spends the whole day on the couch or bedroom should not be condoned. That is when your mother becomes your mouthpiece.

I have seen mothers who control grownups like a tethered goat. They decide their friends, fill their times with schedules, and threaten those who behave otherwise and more. They say your sibling is better than you! You will regret for not honoring me! Coming out of the addiction could be as hard as divorcing a woman who has your kid.

An eye on positive chauvinism shows me that my mother is a woman like any other and should employ independence of mind and activity. Her thoughts should not be my words; her decisions should not be followed blindly. If it happened that your father was at par with your mother then a wise child was that which never heard more or less from either side. Treat her as a woman, as a girl for there is always a stubborn child in every grownup.

And who said she should rule over you because she gave birth to you?  Did she invent her womb? Is she a terrestrial? Your father should not command for respect because he sired you! He was also sired and consequently you shall sire. To hell with ‘She carried me for nine months’, to hell with ‘She wiped my poo poo’.

If your mother would cook for you, love you unconditionally, respect your views, be rational in her words as you are, then we need no bench hosts to talk about this. You can go on celebrating her every day. Sacrifice yourself for her! But when she is a tyrant, a runaway mother, she wears a lamb cloth, reserves her intentions, an expert in manipulation, get away from her. Don’t wait to bite her ear, for her to undress for you! Just like your worst enemy could be yourself, your mother could be a hole in the bucket.

Until you are unsuccessful, don’t say your mother is an angel. I tell you.

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